Interlude 6

Interlude 6

She was working as a hostess at a Mexican restaurant that she hated.  She’d been working there for years and after one brother dying and the other one getting cancer, she just didn’t have the patience for it.  She didn’t deal with authority very well anymore. She put her elbows on the podium that stood in front of the restaurant where she waited and sighed. Behind her, Fernando was working the bar while Customers at tables to her left had soft conversations. It was a slow night and they would send her home soon.

“Heya lady.” Fernando called to her.

She turned around and smiled at his flirtation. “Hey there, mister”

He put a kids to-go cup on the counter and smiled.  She had been asking for a strawberry margarita for weeks, but he never relented.  She’d never drank before and he was afraid the managers would be able to tell if she got drunk her first time at work. It was a slow night though and the managers were all smoking out back. No one would know and certainly no one would care.

She smiled. “Really?!” She picked it up and started drinking.  She did not pause, she did not drink slowly.  She wanted to know what it felt like to be drunk.  She wondered if it would make her stop feeling all the shit that was going on in her life. She wondered if it would make her forget. Nothing that she’d been doing with church or therapy was working. Might as well try something new. She thought  

It went down quickly and smoothly.  She did not take her time.  Her face felt flush. She sat the cup on the bar expectantly, Fernando chuckled and as he filled up a second cup she as she sat a couple who had walked in.  She was disappointed because besides being flush she didn’t feel anything yet.  She walked over to the bar and got the second one.

“Take it slow, lady” Fernando said with a slight look of concern.

“What? I don’t feel anything at all yet.” She replied just a little too loud and little slurred.  Maybe you don’t feel drunk when you’ve never been drunk before. She shrugged to herself and she starting sipping down the second one.  

By the third she felt her face was bright red and she felt silly.  The managers came back in and didn’t seem to notice.  They looked around, saw the empty restaurant and sent her home. She had to call her mom to pick her up. As the phone rang she thought act natural act natural act natural,  “Hello?”

“Oh hey mom, can you come pick me up?”

“Oh sure honey, be right there.” She hung up and let out a sigh.  She picked up her margarita and finished a third one.  She walked over to the bar as she waited for her mother’s arrival and Fernando, now annoyed, filled up a fourth one.  

“I’m not doing this again.”

“Whatever. I can’t feel anything anyway.” She said it snottily and then stomped out the front door with her fourth drink and sat on the bench out front to wait for her mom.  This is stupid, she thought I can’t feel anything. She paused for a minute and rationally thought, Oh shit, I actually can’t feel anything. And she smiled to herself and enjoyed the fact that she didn’t feel anxious, annoyed or depressed.  She swung her legs back and forth beneath her as she sipped the fourth drink.

She stayed quiet in the car, afraid her mom would be able to tell.  They arrived home and she managed to get upstairs to her room before her mom asked too many questions.  She sat in her room and finished off the last of the margarita by herself. She sat for a moment looking at the white wall staring out into nothingness scared that the warm feeling would wear off.  She stood up decidedly and walked down stairs to the kitchen where her brother’s cancer medications were stored. I ain’t letting it wear off” she thought.  Her mom was already in her bedroom.  No risk of being caught.  She’d never had the balls to take any of them before, but for some reason she was fine with it now.

She opened the fridge where the marinol was stored.  It was medical grade THC.  He never takes ‘em all anyway, they won’t notice” and she opened the bottle and took two ,plopped them in her mouth, and placed it back on the shelf exactly as she had found it. She opened the apple juice and drank from the bottle to wash them down. She shut the fridge and smiled to herself, Not a bad first run huh? She giggled out loud and covered her mouth quickly so her mom wouldn’t hear and walked back upstairs as quietly as she could.

Her room was quiet and she  hated the quiet so she put on her headphones, shut off the light, and fell on her bed still fully clothed in her Mexican restaurant uniform.  Best night ever.  She smiled to herself, it was the last thing she thought as the music blared loudly and as the marinol kicked in. She drifted off into oblivion for the first time in her life- a half smile on her face

The next morning she woke up rumpled and incredibly groggy.  “Damn,” she said out loud “I’m so hungry.”