Overview

Being "stained" can mean many things. Wood, stained, can be made more beautiful. A shirt, ketchup stained, can become trash. The stain is all about perspective.

Chapters dealing with recovery are named after the people who inspired them and written in the first person. Chapters focused on addiction are short snippets of memories and are written in the third person. Most names have been changed for the protection of those in my life. Some have stayed the same but only with the express permission of the person.



Monday, January 5, 2015

Interlude 8

Interlude 8

She’d only been at Piedmont College a day or two. It still felt like she was at a summer camp that would eventually end instead. There she was, all of 18, 120 pounds, blonde, cute and short and in her freshman year of college. The horrible summer before had finally faded and she was ready to get the party started. After having been drunk all of twice before, she was ready to see one of the parties her brother always used to talk about. She was ready to get sloshed.
The dorm was lame and she was unpacked and bored. She called one her brother’s friends, Sasha, to see if anything was going on.
“Hey, Sasha. What you doing?”
“I’m hanging about to go over to Merry’s, why? whats up?”
“I am so bored.”
“Yea, alright I’ll come get you.” She arrived in just a few minutes. Demorest is a pretty small town. She drove up in a cool two door black cavalier. Sasha was, in her eyes, the epitome of cool. Confident, wild, and she dropped F-bombs like they were going out of style. Yea, Sasha was fucking cool.
She hopped in and they drove down the strip, less than a mile, to Merry’s apartment at the corner of Central and Georgia. They walked up stairs, Sasha announced their presence with some remark, and she did not knock. The apartment was awesome, trendy and as she looked around she thought it was amazing. I want this she thought, how do I get this?
Sasha walked in like she owned the place, explaining how Merry worked her ass off in Helen so she didn’t have to live on campus. They both had a lot of money because they waited tables at restaurants there during October Fest. They made a LOT of money. As she looked in awe of the apartment she thought, I really fucking want this.
Merry and Sasha were chatting back and forth about their summer and their expectations for the future year. They were talking about the guys they were dating or screwing and how that was working out. Sasha and Ed were off again but she was going over there later anyway to try and make up while Alex had stopped taking Merry’s phone calls. It all seemed normal to them. It was just men and men came and went and apparently came back again without any real pain or fear in the matter. They both seemed fine with it.
Merry looked over at her, “Well, how about you Miss Hannah?” there was a pause.
“Well, you know, I don’t really do a lot of physical stuff… I mean, um.. I don’t know.” She had no idea how to participate in this conversation. It was completely foreign to her. She continued,
“I mean, I’m still pretty new in that department.. um.. the sex department.. you know? I’m taking it slow. I don’t have a boyfriend or anything… but I’m pretty excited about the parties this weekend, though. That should be fun.” There was pause as Merry looked over at Sasha with a sly grin.
“You trying to get drunk, Miss Hannah?” She shrugged in response to Merry’s question.
“Sasha, pour Hannah a drink before we get going. Might as well get her warmed up, huh?” Sasha laughed and walked into the kitchen and pulled the goldschlager out of the freezer.
“Wait, liquor doesn’t freeze?” She said and Sasha laughed in response. “No, it’s not like water. Its gotta get a LOT colder before it begins to freeze.” She giggled again and saw her embarrassment, “It’s okay, you’re a preacher’s kid like me… you’ve got some catching up to do.” She pulled out a shot glass and poured one.
“That shit tastes horrible” Sasha said, “but if you’re not used to drinking, one shot will definitely get you moving in the right direction.” She looked at the clear liquid in front of her and saw the gold flecks floating in the liquor. She’d never seen anything like it. She looked at Sasha who nodded in encouragement and then she picked up the shot glass and tilted it back like she’d seen in the movies. She threw it back trying to act like a pro.
It burned all the way down. It WAS horrible. She coughed and thought for a moment she might vomit right there in the middle of the kitchen. Sasha laughed at her.
“I told you it was horrible.” Her face began to warm and her belly glowed. As the three girls headed out the door and down the steps all she could think of was that she wished she could have another.

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